A man
was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving
just fine.
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
----------------------------------------------
What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).
·
Telegram
·
Telephone
·
Tell a
woman
Perhaps
not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight
chuckle.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Maybe you could teach your students the phrase "politically correct" and discuss it
----------------------------------------------
A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.
----------------------------------------------
If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
If you teach a man to fish, he can always eat.
If you give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.
If you light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.
----------------------------------------------
"Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said.
"Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?"
----------------------------------------------
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”
----------------------------------------------
I got
another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he
will not bother me anymore.
----------------------------------------------
I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
----------------------------------------------
An eskimo brings his friend to his home for a visit. When they arrive, his friend asks, puzzled – “So where’s your igloo?”
-
The friend replies “Oh no, I must’ve left the iron on…”
----------------------------------------------
"Can you please hold my hand?"A mother asks her son: "Anton, do you think I’m a bad mom?"
-
Son: "My name is Paul."
----------------------------------------------
0 Comments